Well I was meant to write my hopes, desires, apprehensions and all the other feelings that come with being pregnant down on this blog; yet I never seemed to have the time. Or for that matter, never had much to say. I've been quite quiet about my feelings and my emotions up until now. I guess it just hasn't felt all that real to me. But something changed in these past couple of days. I can't explain what it was, exactly, but its finally hit me that in 3 months time I'm due to be Mummy to two beautiful baby boys with the love of my life - Something I never, ever truly believed would happen. Don't get me wrong, I was a little girl once and I dreamed that I would meet the man of my dreams and have a baby and a lion (Nearly there! I guess I traded the lion for the second baby!) - I never actually thought it would happen, and the older I got the more I began to realise we don't get what we think we can as children. I had relationships and I fell in love, but nothing like I feel now, towards the father of my children. And I can say, hand on my heart, that I knew I loved him the day I met him. Now how's that for soppy?! I will always encourage my children to live for their dreams. Look at me, I was told all my life I was a dreamer, but now I have my family (All I need now is a Lion!) Don't ever give up on your dreams.
Anyway, I digress...
My physical changes in the past couple of months haven't seemed like much until I awoke this morning with what I can only describe as "Bump Ache". My morning sickness seems to have come back to haunt me and by 7am I was sat on the sofa, aching and watching crappy morning TV news. Last night I had my first proper experience of Braxton Hicks and as much as they didn't hurt they did make me feel very sick. I guess they where to help the babies move down a little further as when I finally dragged myself to the bathroom this morning I discovered I had grown... A lot!
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| This is me today at 26 weeks and 6 days |
So physically I am much bigger and feeling a little sicker and worse for wear. Hip pain and back pain are all normal to me now and I do struggle to walk home some days and waddle a lot haha!
Mentally I'm a wreck. I think it's because it has finally hit me that I am having babies and not just one but two! I am an emotional mess. I cry at everything I see, even babies make me cry. Not with sadness, I think it's more excitement and apprehensions. I just want them to be okay and be here with their Mummy and Daddy, but they have to grow for a few months longer. I am also really impatient, and am bouncing off the walls waiting for them to arrive. (I have finished work now for holidays which lead straight into maternity and I have way too much time on my hands!)
I have learnt to iron and my house is like a palace from all the cleaning I do (compared to what it was anyway!)
If anyone has suggestions to pass the time I'm all ears :)
In terms of my thoughts and feelings; I'm feeling great. When I went for my most recent scan they did notice that one baby was a little smaller with a swollen kidney but they told me this is nothing to worry about and that if it stays that way he will just get antibiotics and maybe a scan when he is born. I have to admit this has been on my mind but I am not letting it worry me. If it was to worry about they would have let me know. So I'm just willing my babies to get big and chubby and cook for as long as they can. For some reason I have a funny feeling they will be here by the beginning of August. I don't know why - Call it Mother's intuition!
I bought Scott a book about Fatherhood by Marcus Berkmann. I had a read over myself (I think I got the third or fourth chapter) and I have to say it's a brilliant book! It's so funny, and a very brave book to write. It's extremely honest and I admire Berkmann for his honesty on every matter during conception all the way through to babies 1st birthday. Scott is really enjoying reading it and its good that we can both have something to read and associate with. I guess it can be hard for a man to be involved in pregnancy and to express how he's feeling for worry of being seen as selfish or harsh. I try to talk to him as much as possible. To see how he is feeling and to keep him involved. I'd hate to neglect the man who gave me everything I wished for.
I'm rambling and muttering on today. I don't know why. Sheer boredom maybe? Anyway, I'm going to stop writing now. I can't think of anything remotely interesting to say. Hopefully I'll write on here sooner next time.
Until then...
Mummy Amy
x x x
